Self-administered incision

[mattbell]

I ordered a blood test online to look at my Omega-3 fatty acid levels (so I can see if I'm getting a healthy diet already with regard to fats and shouldn't bother with fish oil supplements and whatnot)

I was surprised when what arrived in the mail was not an envelope with instructions for a blood lab to draw my blood but instead a kit with a little absorbent pad and two single-use needles enclosed in plastic boxes.  The single-use needle retracts permanently after poking you once, so it literally can't be used again.  Yes, I was going to have to self-administer.

I followed the directions exactly.  The directions called for me to fill in four circles on the self-absorbent pad completely with blood.  The instructions said that my test results would get rejected and I would have to buy a new test if the circles weren't COMPLETELY filled in with blood. 

I took the first single-use needle and poked myself.  The interface was just like a rubber stamp... I just pressed down a little and the needle quickly poked me and returned.  However, to my dismay, I was only able to squeeze a tiny amount of blood out, not even enough to fill the first circle.  Huge sections of crescent-shaped whitespace now needed to be somehow filled in with blood.  I followed the instructions exactly again, using the backup single use needle.  Again, just a couple of drops came out.  At this point I was out of needles, and nowhere close to meeting the requirements.  I was on a 12-hour fast for the test, so I was getting very grumpy. 

I then found myself in the amusing position of trying to find household objects with which I could hygenically stab myself.  I tried a sterilized safety pin, but got even less blood.  It just wasn't sharp enough.  Finally, I found an X-acto knife and sterilized it.  It's really hard to purposefully poke yourself hard enough to draw blood.  Your brain has a whole subsection devoted to preventing you from doing stupid things that your conscious mind wants to do.  That brain subsection and my conscious mind both tried to control my hand, and the conscious mind won out. 

Let me just say that an X-acto knife is an extremely effective way of drawing enough blood for one of these little bloodspot tests.  The stupid little circles' boundaries were now overflowing.  No coloring inside the lines for me.  In fact, I could have probably written an entire psychotic ransom note with the amount of blood I had to work with. 

Comments

Re: Immunizations

[eccentrific.livejournal.com]

Tetanus shot isn't crucial if you then keep the wound clean. Tetanus is a concern any time you have a wound deep enough to create an anaerobic environment for it to grow in (and I sort of doubt you cut yourself this deep), but only if there's a possibility that some of the bacteria got in it.

Also, tetanus booster shots are recommended every 10 years, not 5.